In the past week I have had glimpses of suffering, short sharp revelations of emotions; fear, sorrow, anguish- people dying, friends being ill, depression. There is nothing terribly wrong in our life at the moment; I believe these sensations of tragedy befalling those whom I love are preparatory ‘visions’, rather like vivid dreams that wake you because they are so real. God is opening the way for Dave and I to move forward with him to a place where there will be many occasions for us to take up our own crosses and shoulder the crosses of others who are too weak to carry theirs. This I find quite daunting; the thought of anyone I love suffering churns me up inside.
The feelings of fear and anxiety that have troubled me the past week came to a head on Sunday evening when James spoke on Philippians 1 v27-30. Learning to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. In all circumstances, whatever happens. His talk should be posted on St Georges site shortly and I recommend you listen to it, it was excellent. Anyway, afterward I went for prayer and Ann who prayed with me had a picture for me of the stepping stones at Bolton Abbey – a derilect priory by the River Wharfe in Yorkshire. Across the water, there is a row of large stones and recently she said there had been one missing. As people tried to cross on the stones they would take large strides to each stone but when they approached the gap, they would falter. It was possible to cross but they needed to make a standing jump to leap across. The picture was for me for when I reach the points of difficulty where I would be pushed out of my comfort zone, handling situations that alone I couldn’t cope with. When I come to the gap in the path where I have to take a leap of faith, God will be beside me encouraging me on, telling me that I could do it not in my own strength but with his strength. Its the verse from Philippians 4 that I keep returning to ” I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
In the future, with whatever happens in this life, I hope that I will have the grace to relinquish any notion that I have the strength to cope and be able to rest myself in a place where Christ is all I need.
